Looking back on my posts I see how personal they were from 2006-2008, compared to others divulging class updates or humorous anecdotes from my day. I guess I'm saying that I will be attempting (key word) to keep my updates less deep and sappy. I know how much you all love the sap, but I believe I wrote what and how I did because there was no one in my actual life to speak to and now I feel the need to retract. One gushing post might slip between the cracks, but that's just a chance I'm going to have to take in keeping this.
Livejournal, you're oh so tempting because you've been around for 5 years now, unbiasedly listening but now I feel almost foolish for the things I've said because who knows who has been getting their kicks off my sad life or who I've hurt with my thoughts? It could be why I have 7 or 8 month periods sans writing in you because those moments are overflowing with issues that might be even too much for your blank text boxes to handle. Sometimes I wish I could purge this entire thing, but it's the most concrete record of my growth from the age of 16 to 21, so I cannot destroy my memories- no matter how childish, foolish, whiny, or poorly grammatically recorded they may have been. I'm in the mood now to keep posts short and sweet, the lengthy ones will probably be set to private. *Thinks back to multiple sappy posts and why they were not kept private* I believe it's because for the longest time I used this as a form of communication between myself a forbidden love. Oh, those were fun days.
However, it's time for a current life update:
*On last day of antibiotics for tonsilitis.
*Anxiety continues stealing my sleep and comes back throughout the day.
*Sessions with Diane keep going poorly.
*Things with Tom are very well.
*I keep putting off plans for college in the fall.
*I haven't gone out in two weeks and I'm slowly losing my mind.
*Breathe Me by Sia is my new "drown in self pity" song.
*Thanks to Tom, I see how much arse The Smashing Pumpkins do indeed kick.
*I have some awesome 7 layer nacho dip- it's not making me forget how much I despise the majority of my reality, just distracting me long enough to get through another half hour.
*I use "proper" capitalization now (oh God, the world is truly falling apart)
I am a confused, sick bum who will hopefully be an emotionally secure, healthy college student not before long, and I have a best friend to help me along the way. He also enjoys Mexican-based foods and sweet, sweet music.